Throughout the Preserve, Friday early Afternoon

[pocketpretzels]

The weather today was pleasant, perfect walk-in-the-woods weather, and so as soon as they'd returned from services (and lunch) on the mainland, Watts had suggested that's exactly what he and Steven do. So the two of them had set out to walk to the woods in order to walk in the woods.

Although intellectually he realised it hardly mattered, it still wasn't until they'd passed inside the tree line that Watts reached for Steven's arm with a smile.

"This was a wonderful idea," he said. A good amount of the usual tension he carried with him had melted away on the walk over and so his gait was loose-limbed and easy.

[ooc: for the walking companion!]

Comments

[hasaknightjob]

"You'd spent - well, most of your life doing it," Steven said, correcting himself only when he realized he didn't know if he could say for certain that it had been Llewellyn's entire life. "And you've not lived here even a year yet. Of course it would be easy to go back into the old ways."

[pocketpretzels]

So long as he could remember, anyway.

"Yet I continue to struggle now that I am back here," Watts said, visibly frustrated. "Even though I know it is safe."

[hasaknightjob]

"What you know and what you feel isn't always the same though, is it?" Steven pointed out. He gave Llewellyn's hand a comforting squeeze. "Especially when you're scared. Get startled in a dark alley once and you're jumping at shadows for a while, doesn't matter how safe you know the shadows are."

[pocketpretzels]

Watts groaned. "That, too," he said, because being caught hadn't been the only fear he'd brought back with him from Toronto. The rattle of a doorknob still caused an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Loud noises and sudden movements- never something he'd been particularly good at dealing with- set his heart racing. His arm had healed but at times his nerves still felt terribly raw.

[hasaknightjob]

"Hey, it's all right." Steven stopped and tugged on Llewellyn's hand so that they could face each other. "Fear does your head in. Anyone's head, not just yours. It's trying to keep you alive, isn't it? Hard to let go of something when it's got such good intentions. But you're trying, Llew. I can see it. And you're still one of the bravest people I know."

[pocketpretzels]

"I am a police officer," Watts said. "I've faced all sorts of horrors in the course of my job. And yet- and yet now I am, as you say, jumping at shadows."

[hasaknightjob]

"I didn't mean you literally," Steven said, but he could see how Llewellyn had concluded that given his feelings about being alone in the dark and about sudden noises. "I meant as a concept people get scared of things and it can take a while to get past it. Doesn't matter who or what they are. Working for Khonshu means I'm meant to fly but I'll be buggered if I try that any time soon. Do you think less of me for it?"

[pocketpretzels]

"No," Watts said. "But man isn't meant to fly under normal circumstances. That's completely understandable."

[hasaknightjob]

"Man isn't meant to get shot either," Steven told him. "Or be left alone as a child. Or be told that he's horrible because of who he loves."

[pocketpretzels]

Well, sure, but those all happened far more often than being given flight-related powers.

At least, in Watts's reality. Harder to say for certain with Steven's.

"Maybe so."

[hasaknightjob]

"Yes, so," Steven said. "No 'maybe' about it. I know it's hard, Llew. I know you being a copper means you hold yourself to a higher standard. I know you feel like you're letting yourself down at times. But you're human. Important thing is you're trying, yeah? That's what's part of being brave. You still try even when you're scared."

[pocketpretzels]

"I am so tired," Watts admitted. "Of being scared."

[hasaknightjob]

"Is it all right if I hug you?" Steven asked. Yes, they were holding hands. Steven still didn't want to assume.

[pocketpretzels]

Watts didn't say anything aloud, just nodded.

[hasaknightjob]

Steven pulled Llewellyn into a tight hug. "We're hardest on ourselves, aren't we?"

[pocketpretzels]

Watts let himself melt into the hug. "I'm not certain what you mean."

[hasaknightjob]

Steven rubbed Llewellyn's back with one hand as he continued to hold him. "You. Beating yourself up for still being afraid. Not seeing how much progress you've already made these past weeks."

[pocketpretzels]

"Because it isn't progress, I've gone backwards."

[hasaknightjob]

Steven kissed the side of Llewellyn's head. "But that happens, doesn't it? We aren't perfect all the time. Sometimes we slip. What matters is if we try again, yeah? Even if there's only a little progress that day, or no progress at all. Try again the next day then."

[pocketpretzels]

"It is exhausting," Watts reiterated.

[hasaknightjob]

Steven hugged him tighter. "I wish I could make it easier on you. I am proud of you. Don't know if that helps."

[pocketpretzels]

"You do make it easier," Watts admitted. "Just by being you." And doing things like announcing himself before opening a door. Such a simple, small thing, and Watts loves him for it while simultaneously hating how much relief it brings.

[hasaknightjob]

"If I can do more I will," Steven said. He kissed the side of Llewellyn's head again. "Even if it's to be patient enough for the both of us."

[pocketpretzels]

Unfortunately Watts was extremely unlikely to ask for such help, stubborn as he was.

"I'm sorry. We were having a nice afternoon."

[hasaknightjob]

Steven pulled back enough that he could look Llewellyn in the eyes. "You've nothing to be sorry for. I enjoy spending time with you. I don't enjoy you being unhappy, but I do like that when you are you know you can talk to me about it. Any time. Even when we're having a lovely hike."