MHA #15, Monday Evening

[pocketpretzels]

As had become habit over the past few months, on Monday evening Watts found himself seated at his kitchen table surrounded by a stack of paper as he wrote to folks back in Toronto.

The most detailed letter went to the Detective and Dr. Ogden, as per usual, given that the former had experience here and thus Watts could be entirely honest about the things he'd seen and done. Less detailed were the missives sent to George Crabtree and Mrs. Hart. And finally, this week, there was a short note he owed Miss Louise Cherry, who'd written him recently expressing doubt that this address was even real. So he was writing back to assure her that no, no one had killed him in a fit of exasperation and he was in fact alive and well, just in Baltimore rather than Toronto.

It was slow going, of course, as he was making an effort to keep his writing as legible as possible. Even then, there had been more than a few sheets he'd had to discard entirely, and the wastepaper basket was starting to fill up.

[ooc: for the neighbour! that he came over is ok to mention, details NFB please.]

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[pocketpretzels]

“Surely you’re allowed to have friends, even with your-,” he paused, grasping for the word, until finally coming up with “condition?”

[hasaknightjob]

Condition wasn't a word Steven would pick but he couldn't hold the choice against Watts. It was what most tended to think after all.

"Friends, yeah," Steven said. "I can do friends, absolutely. It's just more than that is where there's a problem."

Here Steven glanced up because he wasn't sure of Watts's reaction.

[pocketpretzels]

‘Situation’, perhaps, may have been better.

“… I see.” Those two words were getting a particular workout this evening, it seemed. Though now it was Watts‘a turn to avoid Steven’s gaze, because honestly, he thought he’d done a better job at hiding his own feelings, even when Steven went and did things that seemed beyond the bounds of typical friendship.

[hasaknightjob]

To be fair to Watts he'd done a great job hiding it from Steven. It was Marc who'd been the observant (and increasingly impatient for Steven to catch on) one. In fact Steven still wasn't completely sure how true it might be on Watts's part. For his own, he'd come to realize he'd been starting to cross a line. Especially when it wasn't a line it was fair for him to cross with anyone.

"That's - I told you about that friend of mine." Steven looked back down at his hands again. "How there were things I knew she wanted that I could never give. Things like children. A family. But all of it, really. Because how would that even work? You couldn't expect anyone to be all right with half a partner, could you? How could you even ask that of someone if you cared about them?"

[pocketpretzels]

“Half a…” Watts frowned. “You may share a physical body with someone but you’re hardly half anything, Steven,” he insisted.

[hasaknightjob]

Steven actually had reason to doubt that as well but it wasn't the point he was trying to make right now. "My time would be though, yeah? I mean think about it. Couldn't be there every night. Couldn't do every holiday. Or - or even if it was. Even if Marc and I both had someone of our own, how's it work? Come midnight New Year's how's it get decided which partner gets a kiss?"

It was possible this had been an obsession level of worry for Steven for some time now, given all the details he could think of.

[pocketpretzels]

Watts shrugged one shoulder. "Negotiation, of course." He drummed his fingers on the table. "The truth is, I am not... unfamiliar... with the reality of factoring in the needs of a third party."

[hasaknightjob]

"But it's not like - " Steven hesitated, not sure how well known Duke's romantic situation was. He decided to err on the side of privacy, even if Duke had told him about it in the diner. "It wouldn't be all three together. That, I mean there was a chance of that, before. With Layla. But rare example there. In general Marc and I don't like the same sort of people."

A fondness for strong brunettes in general, sure, but otherwise not enough overlap to be counted on.

[pocketpretzels]

“That’s, ah,” Watts scratched his chin, “not the sort of arrangement I was speaking of, no.” He took a deep breath. “The man I was- involved with- before coming to Fandom. He married a woman. And we still continued to see each other. After that.”

[hasaknightjob]

Watts wasn't talking about it like it was cheating so Steven assumed a different arrangement entirely. "But that's not quite it either. I mean I'm glad, for you. All of you. But that's not for me. That's part of the problem, yeah? I want one person but I can't be one person in return."

[pocketpretzels]

Steven would probably be less glad for them if he ever found out that Clara’s ex-lover had murdered her, framed Jack for the murder, and then kidnapped and beaten Watts in an attempt to find out where Jack had fled to.

But that was a story for another time.

“You can,” Watts insisted. “You may share a body but your mind is your own.”

[hasaknightjob]

Steven would certainly have some opinions on that story if he ever heard about it, yes. In the meanwhile there was the current conversation.

"But why would anyone want that?" Steven asked. "Why would anyone want less than someone else could give them?"

[pocketpretzels]

"Who's to say why anyone wants anything?" Watts said. "Perhaps they don't see it in terms of less or more, but what you in particular have to offer."

[hasaknightjob]

That was the dream, wasn't it? Steven sighed. "It'd be nice if I could figure out what that is, someday."

[pocketpretzels]

More than one person in Fandom was already ahead of you there, Steven. Catch up.

"Which is why you ought to give yourself the chance," Watts pointed out. Reasonably.

[hasaknightjob]

"I will," Steven said. "I want to. All of it. Even the children some day. But only if there's a way in that for Marc to be happy as well. That's non negotiable for me. That's why I need to be honest. And not... suggest I'm available for things that I'm not."

[pocketpretzels]

Watts nodded. "That's completely reasonable. And in the vein of being honest, if you weren't concerned with Marc's happiness as well, then- you clearly wouldn't be the man I thought you to be."

[hasaknightjob]

"Thank you." Some of the tension left Steven now that he'd gotten past everything he needed to say. "Because that's part of the big ask as well, isn't it? Them needing to understand how important he is to me."

[pocketpretzels]

"Obviously," Watts nodded. And then, a touch hesitant: "I would like to meet him someday, you know. Assuming he would care to."

[hasaknightjob]

"Yeah, no, he's not against that," Steven said. "We've just - we've been trying to figure out how it all works, you know? We've never been able to share like this before. It was always one or the other, no ability to interact. So this part about having a life, we're sussing it out as we go. Different places to call our own, different friends to talk to. I - I think that's what happened Saturday. He knew I - he knew you and I were friends so he dropped me in when he saw you."

Also Marc really could not stress how much he was tired of waiting for certain pennies to drop as far as Steven's awareness of things. Case in point.

[pocketpretzels]

"I did wonder about that," Watts admitted. "Listening to radio after the fact, it seemed very odd that he was there to talk to everyone else but had mysteriously vacated before I entered the room."

Looking back on it, the way Steven had apparently startled awake despite his eyes already being open, the way he'd spoken aloud to Marc despite the other man (seemingly) not being there... Well. It seemed almost obvious, except for how it was never a conclusion Watts would've thought to arrive at.

[hasaknightjob]

"Yeah, that was nice, Stark not mentioning it," Steven said. "He knows. Probably guessed we didn't want that information public. Liz, Stark, Jon figured it out on Saturday. I still need to talk to him about that, actually. But, um, yeah. Now you. Of people on the island, I mean."

[pocketpretzels]

"And I'm not about to go telling anyone else, you needn't worry about that," Watts assured him. "I understand the value of discretion."

[hasaknightjob]

"Thank you," Steven said. "I know it's going to get out sooner or later. Especially if there's people like Jon who can know without us saying it. All the more reason why I wanted you to hear it coming from me."

Steven sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "It's a mess. I know it is. It's a mess for us as well but I know that's not helpful to hear."

[pocketpretzels]

"I can think of very few people whose lives aren't a mess in some way or another," Watts said drily. "Myself included. Yours is just more unique than most."