MHA #15, Monday Evening

[pocketpretzels]

As had become habit over the past few months, on Monday evening Watts found himself seated at his kitchen table surrounded by a stack of paper as he wrote to folks back in Toronto.

The most detailed letter went to the Detective and Dr. Ogden, as per usual, given that the former had experience here and thus Watts could be entirely honest about the things he'd seen and done. Less detailed were the missives sent to George Crabtree and Mrs. Hart. And finally, this week, there was a short note he owed Miss Louise Cherry, who'd written him recently expressing doubt that this address was even real. So he was writing back to assure her that no, no one had killed him in a fit of exasperation and he was in fact alive and well, just in Baltimore rather than Toronto.

It was slow going, of course, as he was making an effort to keep his writing as legible as possible. Even then, there had been more than a few sheets he'd had to discard entirely, and the wastepaper basket was starting to fill up.

[ooc: for the neighbour! that he came over is ok to mention, details NFB please.]

Comments

[hasaknightjob]

Steven's puzzlement wasn't getting any better. "But that's just it. My body isn't the problem here. It's me. I'm not who you thought me to be."

[pocketpretzels]

"But that is my point exactly," Watts said, index finger pointing in Steven's direction. "If none of us are in fact the same today as we were yesterday, then it cannot be your fault alone that who I perceived you to be yesterday is different than who I perceive you to be today. And perhaps tomorrow I shall learn something new about you- be it small or large- and my perception will change yet again. That is simply the nature of existing in this world."

[hasaknightjob]

"This is the biggest," Steven said. His puzzlement was now uncertainty. It seemed too much to hope for that things could be all right between them. "I mean if you're wondering. Nothing larger than that. But - you're not angry? I'd understand if you were. Or didn't want to see me again."

[pocketpretzels]

"I'm not angry," Watts assured him. "If you wish me to be entirely honest, I am a little hurt that it took you this long to tell me. But I also understand why it was so," he added, lips turning up in a bittersweet little smile. "Not seeing you again, though?" he shook his head. "No. I couldn't bear that."

[hasaknightjob]

Steven told himself very firmly he wasn't allowed to feel warm in response to Watts saying that. How well he was able to keep that hidden, however, was up to Watts's observation skills. Though Steven had never been a good actor.

"It wasn't you, honest," Steven said. "I mean thank you for telling me. I want to know. But it was me. I was sloppy. And scared. And selfish. I rather liked spending time with you as well, you see."

[pocketpretzels]

Watts personally thought there was nothing wrong with a little selfishness now and again, but it was clear Steven wasn't quite ready to hear that message.

"Well, good. Then we can continue. To be friends."

Even if Steven's nonverbal reaction there was just enough to ignite the tiniest of sparks in Watts's own chest.

[hasaknightjob]

"I'd like that," Steven said, able to try meeting Watts's eyes again as he said it. "I can do friendship. I'm good at it. Or I guess I think I am. Not really up to me, is it? Nobody thinks to leave reviews. Steven Grant: four out of five stars. Only wish he was better at remembering birthdays."

[pocketpretzels]

"Who among us hasn't forgotten a birthday or two?" It's possible Watts had forgotten his own birthday on at least one occasion.

A beat of silence as something occurred to him, and then: "... is that why you insisted on me addressing you by your given name?" he asked.

[hasaknightjob]

"Yeah," Steven said. He rubbed one hand against the other again. Not so much in nerves but unconscious uncertainty. "I mean everybody gets Steven wrong. P-H instead of V and all that. But Grant - Steven Grant's all right. I don't mind it, you calling me that. It's nice. But Grant isn't - it's - Marc's last name is Spector. Marc Spector. And he was the first so. That's what's on birth certificates and the like. The real ones, anyway. Not my name."

[pocketpretzels]

"That makes sense," Watts nodded. Secretly, selfishly, he was glad that Steven had no problems with the way he sometimes would use Steven Grant. It was a strange reversal of how intimate using someone's given name alone usually was, but as much as he enjoyed it, he'd stop in a heartbeat if it made Steven uncomfortable.

Marc, on the other hand, was already being mentally reclassified as Mr. Spector.

[hasaknightjob]

Steven very much did not mind when Watts called him by his full name. There were no hints that Watts needed to stop hidden in Steven's mention of it. Quite the opposite, in fact.

"Guess that's two confessions today," Steven said, trying for a smile as well as a small joke. "Marc and the fake IDs. Sorry, detective. Hope it's not a problem?"

[pocketpretzels]

“Iiiii think I can be convinced to overlook the issue of forged identification,” Watts said. For several reasons, most notably the fact that a standardized system for identification did not yet exist in his own time. And also the fact that he may soon need some forged papers of his own, if this mainland excursion were to happen.

[hasaknightjob]

"You sure?" The tension Steven had felt was beginning to dissolve enough that his smile was steadier instead of something he had to try for. "Only I've already told you the pretzels were for no reason. So if I'm to bribe you I'll have to find something else."

[pocketpretzels]

“Do you think, if I had to prove my identity in the here-and-now to someone, they’d take my papers at face value?” he asked pointedly.

[hasaknightjob]

"Sorry," Steven said. He was serious once more. Watts wasn't angry, but if he thought Steven was truly confused then Steven had taken a wrong turn somewhere. "It was meant to be a joke. Not one of my funnier ones, I suppose."

[pocketpretzels]

“Ah,” Watts nodded. “A witticism.
Noted.”

A detective he may be, but detecting jokes was not his strong point.

[hasaknightjob]

"Didn't mean I actually thought you took bribes," Steven said, in case that had been where he'd stumbled. "Here you're being so understanding and I insulted you. I'm sorry."

[pocketpretzels]

Had Steven been literally anyone else, Watts would have told him that sorry doesn’t change anything, so there’s no sense in wasting time saying it.

But Steven was Steven, so instead he got: “You didn’t insult me; I’m just not always quick with recognizing a joke for what it is.” In other words: the fault lay with him, Steven.

[hasaknightjob]

"I hadn't noticed that," Steven admitted. Thinking about it, he and Watts had shared what might be called banter but there hadn't been much cause for direct joking. Given the serious nature of many of the things they'd spoken about, it was hardly surprising. "Wait - so when you asked what I stood to get out of lying about the pretzels, did you not understand that that was joking as well?"

[pocketpretzels]

“I’m… afraid not, no,” For a man who disliked seeing others say ‘sorry’, Watts looked extremely apologetic right about now.

[hasaknightjob]

Steven felt awful as he remembered what else he'd said in that conversation. "Oh no. Surely you didn't think I would stop spending time with you if you didn't make tea properly? I would never. Especially not you."

[pocketpretzels]

“No, that one I understood,” Watts assured him. Not right away, but close enough that he wasn’t going to mention his momentary panic.

[hasaknightjob]

"Right. Good," Steven said. "I mean in general it's pretty fair to say if it's ever bad I don't mean it and if it's good I very much do. Well, when it's about you, that is."

[pocketpretzels]

For someone who claimed to be unable- or unwilling- to participate in a romantic relationship, you sure were good at giving off the sorts of signals that said otherwise, Steven.

"I shall endeavour to remember that."

[hasaknightjob]

It wasn't a lack of will, it was his belief that it was unfair to ask given the limitations on what he had to offer.

Which was also why his words kept slipping closer to truth than he intended.

"If you're ever unsure you can check," Steven said. "I won't mind or make fun, I promise."